| JOKERS | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Insults | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
To annoy people 1.specify that your drive through order is to go. 2.Push all the flat lego pieces tohether tightly. 3.Start each meal by conspicously licking all your food and announcing its your property. 4.Stomp on little ketchup packets. 5.Leave your turn signal on. 6.Name your dog "Dog." 7.Repley to everything someone says with "that's what you think." 8.Forget the punch line to a long joke but assure them it was a real "hoot." 9.Follow a few paces behind someone and spray everything they touch with a can of lysol. 10.Make beeping noises when a larg person back up. 11.Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. 12.Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 13.Leave the copy machine set to reduce 150% dark, 17 inch paper and 99 copies. 14.In the mome field of all of your checks write "for senual message." 15.Insisten on keepin your windshield wipers on in all weather condition "to keep them tuned." 16.Practice making fax and modem noises. 17.Highlight irrelevant imformation is scientific papers and copy them to your boss. 18.Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 19.Ajust your TV so its green and tell people that you like it that way. 20.As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 21.ask people what gender they are. 22.While making presentations ocassionaly bob your head like a parakeet. 23.Sit in your front yard pointing a hair drier at pasing cars to see if they slow down. 24.Sing along at opras. 25.Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhym. 26.Staple papers in the middle of the page. 27.Publicly investigate at just how slowly you can make croaking noise. 28.Honk and wave at strangers. 29.Buy a large quantity of orange trafic cones and reroute whole streets. 30.In the middle of the night in a development beep your horn the hole way through. 31.Wear cloths that don't match and tell people your starting a new fashion. 32.Tape a sign on your bathroon door that says. "Guest must use the cat liter box don't forget to scoop afterwards! Thanx -the managment" 33.Come to work in your pajamas. 34.Ask people if they want to see pictures of your hemroide surgury. 35.Wear a hallowen mack to a christmas party. 36.After you came out of the movie's seeing the titantic tell a person that would have been a rel big tradged if that relly happend. 37.ask your boss where babies come from. 38.Put a box on your lawn with a sign that says "open vacancy, $50 a night. 39.On a date tell your date in the middle of your dinner that you have to change your diaper. 40.Tuck the front of your shirt in but not the back. 41.Type only in uppercase. 42.Type only in lowerecase. 43.Don't use punctuation. 44.Spell everythig wrong. 45.Ask a teacher why the sky is blue. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Yo Mama | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
|
Your mama jokes 1.Your mammas so fat, when she dances the band skips. 2.Your mammas so fat, her clothes have strech marks. 3.Your mammas so fat, when she lays on the beach people tun around yelling Free Willie. 4.Your mammas so fat, she plays marbles with planets. 5.Your mammas so fat, her belt size is equater. 6.Your mammas so fat, she hat to buy to airplane tickets. 7.Your mammas so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks. 8.Your mammas so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a doller. 9.Your mammas so fat, she was babtized at seaworld. 10.Your mammas so fat, peole jog around her for exercise. 11.Your mammas so fat, when she stepped on a scale it said to be continued. 12.Your mammas so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway. 13.Your mammas so fat, she sells shade in the summer. 14.Your mammas so fat, she has her own area code. 15.Your mammas so fat, when her beeper goes off people think she's backing up. 16.Your mammas so fat, she eats wheat thicks. 17.Your mammas so fat, were in her right now. 18.Your mammas so fat, when she goes to the movies she sits beside everyone. 19.Your mammas so fat, you roll over twice and your still on her. 20.Your mammas so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat everyone says taxi. 21.Your mammas so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint roller. 22.Your mammas so fat, when she bungee jumps she brings the bridge down with her. 23.Your mammas so fat, the highway patrol made her wear "caution wide turns." 24.Your mammas so fat, when she stepped on a scale it said one at a time please. 25.Your mammas so fat, she fell in love and broke it. 26.Your mammas so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a voltswagon. 27.Your mammas so fat, God couldn't light earth till she moved. 28.Your mammas so fat, Nasa has to orbit a satilight around her. 29.Your mammas so fat, Whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in. 30.Your mammas so fat, Bill Gates couldn't even pay for her liposuction. 31.Your mammas so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk -white and chunky. 32.Your mammas so fat, she wakes up in sections. 33.Your mammas so fat, she was mistaken for god's bowling bowl. 34.Your mammas so fat, when she lies on teh beach no one else gets sun. 35.Your mammas so fat, when she jumps in the air she gets stuck. 36.Your mammas so fat, she's got more chins than a hong kong phone book. 37.Your mammas so fat, her senior pictures had to be arial views. 38.Your mammas so fat, she's on both sides of the family. 39.Your mammas so fat, she fell and made the grand canyon. 40.Your mammas so fat, she has a wooden leg with a kickstand. 41.Your mammas so fat, she has to use a VCR for a beeper. 42.Your mammas so fat, she broke her leg and gravy poured out. 43.Your mammas so fat, she got hit by a parked car. 44.Your mammas so fat, they have to greese that bath tub to get her out. 45.Your mammas so fat, they use the elastic in her under wear for bungee jumping. 46.Your mammas so fat, when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up. 47.Your mammas so fat, she influences the tides. 48.Your mammas so fat, when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas. 49.Your mammas so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her. 50.Your mammas so fat, she can't tie her own shoes. 51.Your mammas so fat, she sets of the car alarms when she runs. 52.Your mammas so fat, she can't reach her back pocket. 53.Your mammas so fat, She uses redwood to pick her teeth. 54.Your mammas so fat, she stepped on a rainboe and made skittles. 55.Your mammas so fat, she hula hopped the super bowl. 56.Your mammas so fat, she was baptised in the ocean. 57.Your mammas so fat, she got hit by a bus and said who through that pebble. 58.Your mammas so fat, the national weather station has to assign nemes to her farts. 59.Your mammas so fat, she was Miss Arizona -Class Battleship. 60.Your mammas so fat, she got a 747 stuck in her teeth. 61.Your mammas so fat, her light food means under 4 tons. 62.Your mammas so fat, her waist size is larger than her IQ. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| Don't say to a cop! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
I don't think you should say this to a cop. | 1.Back off Barney, I've got a piece. 2.Want to race to the station, Sparky. 3.On the way to the station lets get a six pack. 4. You'll never get those cuffs on me you pussy. 5. I'm suprised you stopped, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special. 6.Hey, you must be doing 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job. 7.Sorry, officer, I didn't relize my radar detector wasn't pluged in. 8.I thought you hate to be in relativly good condition to be a police officer. 9.Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?" 10.hi officer. Do you mind holding my beer while I find my drivers license. 11.You know, I was going to be a cop but I decided to finish college. 12."Bad Cop! No Donut!" 13.Your're not gonna check the trunk are you? 14.Didn't I see get your but kicked on "Cops" last week on TV. 15.I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket. 16.Do you know why you pulled me over? Good at least one of use knows. 17.Hey is that a 9mm? that's nothing compared to this .44 magnum. 18.When you smack the crap out of me remember to smile for the camera. 19.Aren't you that guy from the village people. 20.Gee that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence. 21.Is it true that people become cops because there too dumb to work at Mc'Donalds. 22.I pay your salary. 23.So, uh, you on the take or what. 24.What's wrong ossifer, ther's no blood in my alchol. 25.When he asks you if you were speeding say you wanted to race. 26.Pretend your deaf. 27.Touch him. 28.Ask him where he bought that stupid hat. 29.Refer to him by his first name. 30.Pretend you are gay and ask him out. 31.When he says no. Cry. 32.If he says yes accuse him of sexual harrasment. 33.If the cop is a women, tell her how ugly she is. 34.When he tells you to spred 'em say your not that way. 35.When he puts the cuffs on you say my dates usually by me dinner first. 36.After you sign the ticket and give it back say oopps thats the wrong name. 37.When he comes up to the car say license and register please right when he says it. 38.when he starts to say your tights say La la la la la I can't hear you. 39.Shew on his pen. 40.If its a click pen take it apart and play with the spring. 41.Act like your retarded. 42.Mumble to yourself 43.Ask if they know how to make the donuts. 44.Ask if he watches "Cops." 45.Talk to your hand. 46.When he asks to inspect your car say therse no alchol the last cop took it. 47.Try to sell him your car. 48.Ask if you can buy his car. 49.If he takes you to the staion, ask if you can sit upfront. 50.Play with the siren. 51.Turn your head and wistle. 52.Ask if you can see his gun. 53.Sare at the lights and say look at the pritty colors. 54.Tell him you like men in uniforms.
|
Favourite links
|
|
| ||||||||||||||||||||
|
This page has been visited
|